God, I'd say it's been awhile.

So much for my self-therapy. I can't believe Justin was almost a YEAR ago... Man. That's just insane. I became so infatuated with him, but then one of my "friends", who always turns up the charm around anything with a penis, made him fall in love with her. Ah, damn. Then he was just a jerk, because he swore it was love with her, and he totally blew me off. Heath Ledger is so overrated. Where has he gone lately?

I need change. I remembered this thing, and even if no one reads it, it's still something different for me to do. I mean, really; how often do we chronicle our lives? Well, all of the bloggers out there do, and there ARE people who do these journal things religiously... and they all seem to have some more sanity than me. Let's just try this out.

Ok, so, now that I have all the past cleared up, let's get to the present. Kyle's bound to read this. Hey there, Sparky. I fell head over feet for Kyle way back in February. I met him in January through a mutual friend. Then, I spent the next Feb-March-April totally euphorically in love, without his even knowing so. He had/has a girlfriend, but like that stops me. He became my best friend. I love him to death, I really do. I'm not so much IN love with him anymore, but there's still something kindling inside of me, and I'm undecided as what to do with it. I can't exactly call it a crush, though I have been crushed a few times in this thing, but he's just here. He's apart of here and now, and that's all that matters. He's the only person I "like" (woo-hoo, let's go back to third grade...), and he's such a great friend, so he's particularly special to me. If anyone has my full devotion right now, it's him; I don't like the sound of it, either. I can mistrust myself.

Like the last two entries, I'm in summer school... BTW I passed art with flying colours, and it was such a kick-ass class. Now, I'm learning how to drive. Dear GOD, protect me. Well, that's over at the end of the week. Then, I'll start health. Yipee. Isn't that a pity? A whole summer wasted on school. I'm supposed to being doing shit, hanging out with people, but no, my mom says that my friends are too old. She won't even give them a chance... I've met this great new person, Sara. She's totally kick-ass; I admire so much in a very strictly non-lesbian way. lol She really is cool though. The first time I talked to her, I asked, "You're an Aquarius, aren't you?" And, as it turns out, she is. I don't know... she's just so fun to be around. Though she's really tall; that's kind of intimidating. Sara is all about making her world a better place-- by making out and gettin' some. Ha! That's a great philosophy. I need that. Things have just been so shitty lately.

I found out yesterday that my friend's mom (she's such a great friend to me; I've known her for 11 years) has been admitted to an inpatient rehab center. Apparently, she's got problems with alcohol... and I never knew. It's just so scary. I felt so torn, almost. She is one of the most beautiful souls I know, but I guess everyone wears a mask, huh? My dad's been a dick. My dad has always been a dick. He's just so stuck on me being something. It hurts me just to have a conversation with him anymore; I always end up in tears. I just wish he would lighten up. Kyle's leaving, going to college. This has made me such an emotional wreck. Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit, and I always end up soaked in my own tears just because of this concern I have. It was the same thing with Dom when he left; I feel so obligated, so protective, and the detatchment of the attatchment is just too much to bare. I just wish someone would be that devoted to me, so concerned, and always there.

Well, that's enough updating for tonight. G'night.