(no subject)

I dont know what to say.

Well, I don't feel like me, 's all.

Anticipation of absence is wearing me thin. There are some people that are supposed to live forever. There are some people who are supposed to be around forever. But they're not. I blame it on the effing timshel, but in that, absence is justified. That's why we accept it. That didn't make much sense to anyone but me, I'm sure.

Just the thought of never seeing anyone ever again ever consumes me. It's so... big in the scheme of things, eternity. And eternity is totally taken for granted. We don't know what's going to happen after we stop moving, breathing, dancing, living. It's always baffled me. I mean, I look at Bible stories as just that-- stories. I mean, Lord knows, literally, if any of that is true. And then I have to wonder if He really exists. No one can know for sure, no matter how much you've been taught, or told, or fed. We'll never know until we get there.

Nothing exists if we say it doesn't.

Does everyone see the world in the same colors? If I were to look through your eyes with my mind, what if the hue that we have accepted as green actually looks blue or red or orange through your eyes in my mind? We'd never know.

I loved "Being John Malkovich." It's totally different than what I'm saying. I love it.

I wish I knew Grandpa's favorite color. I really want to know. And I want him to tell me. I can't ask him now; it's too late. He might lie. He might not say anything. He might tell the truth. But I'd never know.

And now I wait for eternity to subside. A place where all of the colors are the same and we all know each other's favorite colors.

G'night.